Arrive at school looking fabulous:
Sit through your hours, feeling your IQ dropping due to morons:
Finally getting to lunch so you get to hang out with all your friends:
Listen to someone get an obvious question wrong:
See a cute girl/guy:
Make sexual jokes at a teacher’s remarks:
Get to your last period of the day:
Go home and pig out:
Go to bed:
I had one of the worst days at my job yet. I am seriously considering quitting. This job gives me so much anxiety. It’s bad enough that kids think that it’s a “free day” when they see a sub, but when they see a sub who is 5 feet tall and looks like a teenager, all hell breaks loose. I know very well that I don’t have that authoritative presence needed to be an effective teacher. Sometimes I wonder if other people, taller, older looking people have as much trouble, or maybe it’s just me.
Well, whatever it is, my confidence is at an all time low right now. Every time I go in to teach, I come out looking and feeling like a mess. I just feel like I’m not cut out for this work, but even though I feel all these things and want to call it quits and find another job, I keep thinking of just holding on until something better comes along. It’s getting harder every day to hold on though and I feel so emotionally drained.
I suck at my job.
I know most people hate their jobs, (that’s why it’s called work!) so I do feel a little selfish when I say these things, but: I just wish I could get a job I feel like I’m good at, where I can grow as an artist and put my art degree to use! It’s days like this that make me regret getting a degree in art… I should of just went into science like my sister.
Anyway, to counter these feelings, I’m gonna try focusing on the present. Right now I just got back from having sushi, reading a new book (another Murakami) and drinking hot tea. My mind is clearer and I can hear the rain drops outside my bedroom window.
I hope tomorrow is better.